It’s Sunday! Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! Ed did. But if there’s one thing Ed likes more that eating turkey, it’s talking turkey. However, I make no guarantee that he actually talks about turkey this week… it’s just an expression.

-Luke-

Dear Ed,

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was federally funded?

Bobby Joe

Dear Bobby Joe,

I s’pose that’d depend on what the money was fundin’, wouldn’t it? Fer example, woodchucks ain’t all that big… what if the gummint was payin’ to make genetically superior giant woodchucks? A Reg’lar-size woodchuck, goin’ full tilt, chuckin’ wood all day, probably ain’t gonna chuck more’n a cord or so, an’ that don’t even count fer stackin’ it. A giant woodchuck, alternatively, could prob’ly chuck four to six cord in a day, dependin’ on how giant yer makin’ it.

Dear Ed,

I am an IT student attending a technical college. A number of people play video games on their computers during lectures. Would it be morally wrong for me to hack into their computers and format their drives while they distract me with Halo and Starcraft 2?

Daniel R. Bennett

Dear Daniel,

Do what ya gotta do, bub. Ain’t a question o’ morals. While they’re engagin’ in flights o’ fancy, pretendin’ to drive around in souped up four-wheelers an’ defendin’ space stations from the Zerg, you’re busy learnin’ valuable practical skills, and applyin’ ’em in real-life situations. Things like remotely accessin’ operatin’ systems, an’ cleanin out messy hard drives, are things you’ll actually use in the real world. Unless, o’ course, The Covenant actually does attack Earth, an’ you don’t know how to drive a space four-wheeler. Then you got some ‘splainin’ to do.

Dear Ed,

Where do babies come from?

Jonathan

Dear Jonathan,

How come you’re comin’ to me with this kinda stuff, an’ not jus’ learnin’ it from television like everyone else? Alright, kid, it’s like this… babies come from the Internets. Babies.com is a pretty good site, from what I hear. You can usually get a decent deal on eBaby.com, and sometimes you can get ’em fer even cheaper on Halfbaby.com, although about a third of the time you’ll only end up with half a baby… or is it half the time you’ll end up with a third of a baby? No, wait… that’s Hammurabi.com. Never mind, kid. Just watch more TV.

Dear Ed,

I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Can you explain it to me?

Confused About Everything

Dear Confused,

The truth of it is, there ain’t really nuthin’ to fuss about. Some folks jus’ like fussin’, I guess.

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