I don’t mind telling you that Ed’s got some really good ones this week. I mean, they’re always really good, of course. But these ones are so good they come with extra ketchup. That’s right. Extra ketchup. Just when you think you ran out of ketchup, here comes Ed, with some extra ketchup just for you. Well, technically it’s catsup, but beggars can’t be choosers.

But I digress. Keep sending in those questions! They’re all great.


Dear Ed,

How long does it take to recover from the New Year’s party?


Dear Hungover,

Depends on a few things. Yer constitution, fer one. Also how big the party was. I remember one New Year’s party I went to, it took almost a week. I didn’t drink or eat nuthin’ but coffee ‘n’ tater tots the whole time. An’ that was just the party! I still ain’t recovered from that one.

Dear Ed,

Does ketchup go bad? I’m not sure I should use this bottle of ketchup, but my tater tots are so lonely. Sincerely,

Confused About Condiments

Dear Confused,

There are two things in this world that don’t go bad. One of ’em is ketchup. The other one’s mustard. Or is it honey? Okay, so maybe there are a few more’n two things. Possibly five or six things. Twinkies, too. And lead. The amazin’ thing is, all of ’em go great with tater tots. An’ I do mean all of ’em. Unfortunately, none o’ this’ll keep them tots from bein’ lonely. That’s just how they are.

Dear Ed,

What do you chips and fans and bells and things eat? I was thinking of loading a baloney sandwich in my DVD drive, but then I thought, “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. They’re probably more of a sushi type crowd. Suggestions, please?

Oren Otter

Dear Oren,

I’m glad you asked. We like tater tots, an’ lots of ’em. So jus’ cram ’em in yer drive, or better yet, open the case right up an’ load ’em on in. We’ll take care o’ the rest. Sushi’s okay, I s’pose. As long as it’s in the middle of a bunch o’ crispy, delicious tots, it don’t really matter.

Dear Ed,

I saw the new Tron movie. I thought it was OK, but I wasn’t blown away by it. Does this mean I’m no longer a geek?

Still a Nerd

Dear Nerd,

Nope. It don’t mean no such thing. Fact is, you saw Tron. That’s geeky enough. Now, there’s different geek levels, o’ course… did you go in costume? How many fan letters have ya sent to Bruce Boxleitner? Geekiest of all is if ya actually got yerself transported to Tronland. I know a few folks in Tronland, come ta think of it. A few o’ them Recognizers actually ain’t half bad, once ya get t’ know ’em. Sark’s kind of a dink, though. I don’t miss him none.